I know firsthand how easy it is to assume that wellness practitioners have it all figured out. We spend our days helping others find balance and relief, so it might seem like we’re immune to struggle ourselves. But let me be the first to say—seasonal depression doesn’t discriminate. Yes, even your massage therapist gets it.
For as long as I can remember, winter has felt different for me. As a child, the cold was magical—snow days, hot chocolate, the kind of fun that makes your cheeks burn in the best way. But as I got older, something shifted. The cold became painful. The darkness felt heavier. And the more responsibilities I took on, the more I found myself feeling drained, disconnected, and weighed down in ways I couldn’t quite explain.
How I Knew This Wasn’t Just a Phase
At first, I thought it was just normal winter blues. But year after year, I noticed the same patterns:- My mood would dip, and motivation would disappear.- Simple tasks felt like climbing mountains.- The chill in my bones made it impossible to get comfortable, let alone sleep.- Feelings of isolation crept in, even when I wasn’t technically alone.
The worst part? I had no idea how to navigate it. Without a solid support system, I suffered in silence. My sleep cycles were unpredictable, sometimes keeping me awake for weeks or months at a time. As a teen, this affected my ability to function in school. As an adult, it made executive tasks—like showing up on time or staying alert throughout the day—feel nearly impossible. I’d get restless, binge eat at night out of frustration, and spiral into overthinking.
The Turning Point: 2013 Changed Everything
(Trigger warning: this paragraph mentions 🩸 and near 💀 experiences)
For years, I neglected my physical health. I didn’t have a primary care provider. I avoided the dentist. I wasn’t checking in with myself in the ways I desperately needed.
Then, in October 2013, everything changed.
An artery burst in my head, and I nearly bled out multiple times. I was saved by emergency blood transfusions and embolization surgery, procedures that kept me alive when my body was at its most vulnerable.
There’s something about facing death that forces you to reassess your life. And in those moments—when survival was no longer guaranteed—I realized just how much I had abandoned myself.
I had been living in survival mode long before my body ever gave out. I had ignored my needs, dismissed my own well-being, and let my circumstances dictate my sense of worth. That moment wasn’t just a wake-up call—it was an ultimatum.
I could either continue down a path of self-neglect, or I could start building the life I actually wanted to live.
Breaking Free From What Held Me Back
One of the biggest realizations I had was that I had trapped myself in a toxic, co-dependent dynamic. I was carrying my former partner’s anxieties and beliefs as if they were my own. I had no boundaries but had built walls so high that I was preventing myself from truly healing.
I knew I wanted to establish myself for myself and by myself, even though, in retrospect, I’ve been supported all along. The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that healing isn’t always immediate. It’s a process. But all the self-care, all the investments in personal growth, all the small steps—they do add up. And over time, that inner work turns into something unshakable: core confidence and self-worth.
The kind of confidence that goes beyond looks, beyond material things. The kind that no one can take away.
How I Manage Seasonal Depression Now
The biggest game-changer for me has been attunement—learning how to be in my body instead of lost in my head.
I used to spend hours ruminating over disagreements, overthinking, and feeding my own anxiety. Now, I’ve learned how to shift my perspective, to catch myself before I spiral. I got here through coaching, group retreats, and the time, energy, and resources it took to master the art of my own mental and emotional shifts. It’s why I do what I do—why I provide holistic massage and energetic healing.
I had to unlearn so much—old expectations, harmful programming, and limiting beliefs. But once I did, I realized something:
I’m not stuck. I never was.
I can take empowered action. I can take calculated risks to improve my life. I choose to tap into particular frequencies and vibrations over others.
This is exactly why I made the decision to leave my last apartment—after five years of feeling trapped in a space that lacked natural light, proper insulation, or even the ability to have a pet. The ability to nurture and be nurtured is a core value for me, and I finally asked myself: Where can I take personal responsibility for my own happiness?
The moment I made that decision, an opportunity opened up—a new apartment, a fresh start. Sure, there might be some fallout from breaking my lease early, but the quality of my life is already improving. I am no longer a victim of circumstance. I am the director of my own energetic footprint.
What I Want You to Know
If you’re feeling stuck in seasonal depression, here’s what I want you to take away from this:
Be open to new and different avenues of what you’ve been taught “makes you happy.”
- Attend that workshop that sparks your interest.
- Surround yourself with a dream team of healthcare and wellness providers who validate your concerns and truly support you.
- Give yourself permission to receive—whether that’s pampering, rest, or safe spaces to surrender, process emotional wounds and let go in order to move forward with more space and freedom.
- Volunteer. Engage. Stay connected to something bigger than yourself.
You might just find that your capacity for joy expands—filling in the gaps where the winter sun feels missing.
And most importantly? You are not a victim of your circumstances.
You are the celebrator of your own strategic risks and rewards.
You are allowed to flip the script. You are allowed to exercise your autonomy. You are allowed to choose a life that feels good.
Stay Connected & Keep an Eye Out for What’s Next
If this resonates with you, I encourage you to stay connected. Healing isn’t something we have to do alone, and I’m always creating new opportunities for people to gather, reset, and realign with what feels good. We at Ultra Connected Wellness are always expanding our offerings and provisions so that you have many viable options.
We have some exciting events coming up, including:
- A 1-year anniversary and housewarming gathering for our most dedicated and committed clients.
- An April workshop featuring mocktails and alcohol alternative social mixing
- Immersive events in May featuring sound and crystal healing to celebrate Mother Earth and all her gifts in collaboration with trusted providers and safe space holders.
Details are coming soon, so stay subscribed and keep an eye out for updates!
And if you’re looking for a way to ground yourself right now, scheduled one-on-one time is always an option. Our sessions aren’t just about massage or energy healing—they’re a space to get clear, tap into your untapped resources, and realign with your own power with a holistic approach.
Take a moment to reflect—**what’s one small action you can take today to nurture yourself in this season?** Who would be incredibly honored to provide a service for you?
Sometimes, the first step is simply acknowledging that you deserve it.
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